I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm like, not good at living.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
