I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
