i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
