Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
time to smoke my breakfast
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
