The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
