I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I miss vodka workout Fridays
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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