apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
