it was like eating out sand paper
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
