you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
