he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
