remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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