Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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