I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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