At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
