That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
