dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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