mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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