he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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