CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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