we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
