im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
