...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
