If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
two words...techno handjob
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Houston, we have a blender
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
