im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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