Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
