Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
