i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
