did you get engaged???
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
