If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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