My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
