i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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