I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
