So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
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