You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
How does it feel to date your dad?
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