finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
