NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
