Are we in a gay sports bar?
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
