Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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