I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
