i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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