His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
