One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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