at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
