Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
