my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
