if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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