come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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