dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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