so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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