I've blown a few things in my day
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
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