Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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