a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
