shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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