I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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