Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
